“Are you thinking what we're thinking?” Actually, you'renot even thinking what you're thinking

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A slightly better version of the Tories' campaign

So David Cameron is now hinting that there may be a switch in Conservative policy towards asylum seekers. Curious. All that talk of “Are you thinking what we're thinking?” that he helped mastermind and now it turns out he thinks that was a bad idea.

Would a better line have been “Are you thinking what we're thinking? Then can you tell us what it is, because we haven't a clue any more? But we'd really like you to vote for us. Would you? Pretty please? We'll do anything.”

This change of heart is relatively simple to explain. Cameron knows that the Conservative party has an image problem: basically, anyone under the age of 35 thinks they're pure evil. He's also discovered that if a party argues that we shouldn't allow in more than seven asylum seekers each year from places that torture and murder you such as Zimbabwe, while greeting with open arms thousands of economic migrants from Australia and South Africa, it might be perceived as just the teenciest bit racist.

What? You didn't know that the biggest groups of immigrants to Britain each year are (white) Australians and South Africans? And you didn't know that most of them have come here to work, save up all their earnings then spend it all travelling around the rest of Europe rather than pumping up our anaemic domestic demand? Shouldn't rely on The Sun, Express and Daily Mail for your news then, should you?

As an aside, In case you're wondering where I stand on this, as far as I'm concerned, the more economic migrants the better. We should be thanking our lucky stars they want to come here to work their backsides off for us in jobs that none of us want to do. Or even in jobs that we do want to do, but we don't have the skills for. Think about it: the hotel service industry is practically run by Poland at the moment; God bless EU expansion for our daily room service. And I know of several companies that would be floundering with an undertalented staff of posh kids if it weren't for some highly educated Australians and South Africans bumping up the average IQ level.

Back to the Tories. A quick bit of maths: image of pure evil + covert racism = ?. David Cameron, former PR person, has done this calculation and realised that if he's ever going to win an election, he's going to have to appeal to people who don't have to wipe froth from their mouths every time they've ventured an opinion.

Unfortunately, David, you're still going to have to cope with the fact that a goodly proportion of your party, both members and MEPs/MPs, have sponges in their pockets for just such eventualities. Until we can be sure that the very second you lot get back into power, you're not going to rip your masks off and go “Ha, ha! Fooled you! We are Beelzebub and his minions after all”, you're not going to see our votes hitting the ballot boxes any time soon – or even in the next four years or so. Anyway, it's a secret ballot so stop trying to sneak a peak. Cheater.

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This page contains a single entry by Rob Buckley published on December 19, 2005 12:09 AM.

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