July 2006 Archives

Karl Khan's written to me again:

Dear sir,
i did not intend for this to be posted on the internet, please remove it from your blog site.
If you dont write articles about finance, business, intellectual property and internet stuff then i apologise for sending you the story,

karl

Curiouser and curiouser. So he writes to me (and believe me, I gave you the entire email in the last blog entry: I wasn't hiding any stipulations on his part) telling me “Please use this as you feel appropriate. I believe this will make a good story for a Sunday paper to run perhaps”. I publish it... and he complains.

The world is full of interesting people.

Then try one of these nice here dead words. Marvellous, all of them.

Remember that ad in favour of pollution that Exxon put out via the CEI? Well FactCheck have analysed the ad, in conjunction with the scientists whose worked was quoted, to debunk it.

Curses. Just as I thought my escape to Virgin Mobile might lead to competent customer service for a change, I find out that NTL has just acquired Virgin Mobile.

None of us need it, of course, but Poynter's set up a new blog to help readers improve their writing. Based on his previous collection of essays, Writing Tools is written by Roy Peter Clark, well known for his 50 short essays on writing, and should be something to add to your RSS aggregator at the very least.

Remember how I related the tale of how SMD weren't paying very promptly? One of those affected has contacted me again:

They're using a new tactic over there now. They tell you payment has been sent out - for your invoice - but it really hasn't. First, they tell you that your invoice has received “Final Authorization” and then you pressure them and they lie and tell you payment has been sent. So far, I've gotten paid for two invoices (I have three more outstanding) and the only way I got paid for those was threatening to withhold publication of future articles.

So if you were planning on writing for an SMD publication, I'd say hold off for a while, since you might not get paid for quite some time (assuming this isn't an isolated incident).

You remember them: they're the receivers for Highbury. I gave them a call yesterday - well, two calls actually to Maggie Mills and her assistant - just to find out what's up, since they were supposed to have compiled a report a couple of months ago. But they weren't in and haven't returned my call.

I'll try again next week, but I'm just wondering whether anyone else has heard from them.

A while ago I developed a strategy for dealing with calls from call centres. I've a new one now and it seems to be working. It's also kind of fun.

Basically, if you ask BT nicely, you can get a second number for your line. It's an extra feature ('Call Sign') that you can get by itself for £1.75 a month or as a bundle with three or four other features like Caller ID. So that's £21 a year for this, basically.

The great thing about your second number is that if anyone dials it, your phone makes a completely different ringing noise.

So what you do is you give out your main number to everyone you don't like or don't care about and your second number to everyone you do like and care about. Then, whenever anyone calls the main number, you just let it go through to your answer machine; if they call your second number, you answer it.

It's great. You never have to answer a “courtesy call from MBNA” again.

More amusingly, as I mentioned in my last entry on the subject, overseas call centres take quite a while to connect once you've picked up the phone. I've just re-recorded my answer phone message. It's not short - about six or seven seconds - but it's shorter than the delay at their end.

So now, every time a call centre rings, my answer phone gets filled up with a stranger person from India going “HELLO?” at the top of their voice, because they didn't hear my answer phone message.

Very funny.

They just won't let me go. It's just getting ridiculous. Didn't I tell you they wouldn't?

Last I left you, I'd got a PAC code to migrate my number from Orange. Today, 26 days from the day I gave Orange notice, I rung up Virgin to migrate the number.

I got a very earnest person trying his hardest to do the customer service thing. This appears to consist of saying 'Excellent!' a lot and going into infinite detail about every step that's involved, even when I'd already reassured him I'd done something. I don't have problems with that, really: they have scripts to go through. So I let it coast over me.

First obstacle, before I can migrate my number, I have to pay by direct debit. Before I can pay by direct debit, I have to have set up my voicemail. I've already set up my voicemail, but clearly not on the new number once it's migrated to Virgin. But that's all right because it's Virgin and we're chummy at Virgin. So I set up the direct debit.

Next step, they need my PAC number. I gave it to him. When did I get it? 14th June. Oh, you won't be able to use it then. You're best off going back to Orange and getting a new PAC code. Why? The letter says I'm okay to use it within 30 days. Ah, but migration takes seven days. By the time the PAC number needs to be used, it will have expired. Could they not have put that in the letter? No one's ever thought of that. Could you try the PAC code anyway? It won't work. We could try but I don't want you to be disappointed. I want the migration to go as smoothly as possible.

It's a little late for that.

Advice point 1: Use your PAC code within 20 days of getting since the letter is a lie

So I ring up Orange to get a new code (remembering my contract probably expires on Friday).

Well, I try. "...please call our Mobile Number Portability team on 0800 376 2885". I do. The number's unobtainable. So I ring the main Orange number, type in my mobile number, descend through the seven layers of the "Press 1 to be connected to Satan" voicemail system, get asked for my mobile number again before finally being allowed to ask for a new code.

Okay, we'll send that out to you and it should arrive within three to four working days. Can you not give it to me now? No, it has to be done by letter.

Okay. How come you don't put on your letter that it needs to be used within 23 days, incidentally? Well you need a new PAC code because you let the old one expire. I didn't. I used it within 30 days. It's the networks that need an extra seven days. You let the PAC code expire, so you need a new one. No...

Eventually, she understands what I'm getting at.

Could you perhaps put 20 days or even 23 days on the letter?

It's not up to me. It's Orange who decide.

Well, could you suggest it?

I've had lots of customer suggestions and this is the first time I've had this request so they probably won't listen to me.

Could you suggest it anyway?

No.

Ah. Orange customer service. And they wonder why I'm leaving.

I'll keep you posted.

So I've been contacted by more SMD writers.

Yes I have had trouble with collecting my payment from Hotdog. I really hope they're not going down the toilet...

From someone who wrote to me a while back:

I actually did manage to get paid in June, after emailing you to say that I'd been ringing SMD constantly with no luck!

I emailed my editor to ask about it, and he confirmed SMD were having some "short-term" problems but that things should be sorted now.

And from Thursday's complainant

I just received payment for an Invoice

So it seems like SMD are paying, just a touch tardily.