If you don’t live in SE London, you probably don’t get this rubbish through your door:
Mr. Yousaff
International Spiritual Healer God Gifted
Born with this Knowledge
I can give help and advice no matter what your Problem is,
I can solve them with one visit. I can help you with Practical solutions concerning marriage, business and court cases and sexual problems. I can improve your life and I can bring back your lost friends, loved ones and relations, I can make your marriage better and I can give instant good luck in family Problems, I can remove from your life black magic, illness and eliminate habits like Drinking and smoking etc.
Anyone who has these problems contact
Mr. Yousoff Now
QUICK RESULTS GUARANTEED
First thing this guy needs is a magic wand to fix his punctuation and capitalisation. If he can bring back the dead, a full stop shouldn’t be too hard. The second thing he needs to do, of course, is decide whether he’s Mr Yousaff or Mr Yousoff.
However, my burning question is: “Does Mr Yous(a/o)ff actually make money?” If he fixes everything with just one visit, he must have higher call-out charges than the average plumber, just to break even. And are there really enough staggeringly gullible people to support him? Sure, there’s a reasonable number of Africans living here, who I’m guessing are his target market (insert disclaimer about Africa not being a single country, all have different cultures, etc). But they can’t all believe this stuff surely, any more than 100% of the locals round here watch Second Sight on Living or the French are a homeopathy-only nation? I could do a vox pop to find out, but that would involve stepping out into the oh-so-cold air. So maybe I won’t. (Gosh, what a fantastic journalist I am. In mitigation though, I wouldn’t be paid for it and I do have a lot of deadlines to meet right now – all of which will pay me.)
Even if any of them do believe, though, is a psychic sticking his badly phrased flier from the 18th century in someone’s letterbox the cultural equivalent of an undertaker driving around town in his hearse, shouting into his loudhailer about two for one offers – that is, possible but not the done thing? I’m sure there’s a case study for a marketing mag in there somewhere.