Review: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

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• Death Ray, May 2009

Who knew that Charles Dickens was really one of the world's first chick-lit writers? Here, A Christmas Carol gets a long-unwanted updating that sees playboy Scrooge Matthew McConaughey visited by ghosts who show him that if he doesn't stop dating models and marry Jennifer Garner, he's going to be very, very unhappy.

McConaughey, one of that rare breed of men called 'confirmed bachelors' who seem to exist in movies purely to be proved wrong, was raised by his Hefner-like uncle (Michael Douglas) in the arts of seduction and doesn't want to be tied down to one woman. But when McConaughey returns to his uncle's mansion to act as best man at his brother (Breckin Meyer)'s wedding and is reunited with his childhood sweetheart (Garner), Douglas and three ghosts of girlfriends past, present and future show him what his life has really been like, what he's been missing out on and how he'll be remembered.

It seems appropriate that a movie about ghosts should make you long for the sweet release of death, so fortunately Ghosts of Girlfriends Past won't let you down there. A surprisingly slavish adaptation of Dickens' classic, it's obviously going to be predictable, but even if you've never read the book, you'll still know exactly how every scene is going to turn out and whether McConaughey and Garner are going to end up together.

The film isn't without redeeming qualities. There are occasionally funny one-liners and some surprisingly clever and self-aware moments. But its gender politics are dubious, theoretical alpha male McConaughey seems uninvolved and is made to look like a baby-man whenever the infinitely manlier Robert Forster or slightly creepy Douglas are around, the appeal of Garner's character is elusive at best and the dialogue will probably make Dickens want to haunt the writers and show them the errors of their ways.