The fun of bad PRs continued

We’re a high maintenance bunch, journalists. We diss PRs all the time, even though they’re just human and they’re just trying to help us (well, in some cases they’re obviously trying to hinder us, but that’s a different story).

But sometimes, even when they’re trying to help us, they hinder us. They promise one thing, we wait and wait. We ring. They promise it’s on the way, then two or three weeks after your first call and two days before deadline, they turn round, say they can’t do it and then say they’re telling you this now “so as not to lead you down the garden path”. Hmm. A little late, love, at that stage, isn’t it?

Anyway, in the interests of improved customer service, I’m going to list some of the recent PR fiascos I’ve braved my way through. I won’t name names (although I’ll list the companies at the end so you can play a game of “pin the tale on the PR donkey”), but if you’re in PR and you’ve done these things (or something similar), if you don’t do them again, you’ll make us journalists a lot happier.

Company 1

Just appointed to the account, so some slack needs to be given. But three weeks after my initial contact with the former PRs, who passed the enquiry on, they finally got round to approaching me. I told them I could do an interview on the following Thursday. I asked if they could provide customers to talk to. To help them, I gave them the names of customers I’d already spoken to before.

On Thursday (five days later), I get an email midday asking if I can do an interview, by which time, of course, I can’t. Needless to say, they also hadn’t managed to set up any customer interviews – although they weren’t willing to confirm that by actually answering any emails of mine asking if they had. Fortunately, I’d placed a call with the customer already and set up the interview (yes, yes, I know I should do that anyway but these guys get paid for every interview they set up, so I thought I’d help them out a bit). Moral: If it’s handed to you on a plate, try to make sure you still don’t cock it up.

Company 2

Admittedly, it was actually impossible to get through the client’s phone system anyway, but in this classic piece of PR fun, I called the number on the web site for the PR and got told that he no longer worked with the agency. Who was handling his account? They didn’t know, everyone was out at lunch, but they’d get back to me later to tell me who handled that company. I’m still waiting. Moral: You’ll get more business if you know who handles which company and then actually call back journalists who throw money-earning opportunities in your direction.

Company 3

When told it was very very important that a piece of software got given to me on a Monday, took it upon themselves to courier it to me at 6.30 at night. Good job I didn’t have to go out that evening, wasn’t it? Moral: Only expect journalists to work during business hours – try not to force them to stay in of an evening, waiting for the package you swore blind you were going to get to them during the day.

Company 4

One company, who I’ve already named and shamed for doing this and whose MD called to apologise and promised to rectify the situation immediately, has stopped answering email requests again. Moral: PR about PR companies should never be believed and never make promises to fix things if you’re not going to – we’re never going to trust you again.

Company 5

Happened today, actually, and was perpetrated by another company I’d already named and shamed and whose MD had also rung up to promise things would be different (cf moral from company 4).

All-day conference with a press room. Press room has nothing in it. It’s a room. No Internet access or anything. (Moral 1: don’t give the press worse facilities than all the other delegates. We don’t want to waste our precious break-time looking for a room that’s worse than useless when we find it). PR finds me after I leave the press room. Spends ten minutes badgering me about why I haven’t installed Linux on my Mac. I don’t expect him to have read my blog, but after I’d told him why, you’d have thought he wouldn’t have carried on for another five minutes, despite my obvious growing hostility.

Lunchtime rolls round. After stuffing my mouth with food (interviews while eating are always tricky), I’m about to head off to interview some of the attendees, when PR comes over again and spends the whole lunchbreak, despite my initial monosyllabic answers and obvious uninterest, quizzing me on the best ISP for him to subscribe to to download movies and what the current state of HDTV, Blu-ray, etc is.

Lunchbreak ends and I’ve not had a chance to speak to anyone. I have an interview scheduled at 3.30pm with the last speaker. Speaker over-runs by 60 minutes so doesn’t finish until 3.45pm. After the speech, he legs it off the stage. I leg it down to the meeting point. PR isn’t there. Speaker isn’t there. I wait for a good six minutes and neither of them turn up. Pissed off, I head off home. Five minutes later, just as I’m about to head into the tube station, PR calls wondering where I am (despite it now being 25 minutes after the scheduled interview start). He didn’t see me leave the hall (despite the fact I was sitting in the front row and was only one of three people to stand up and leave after the presentation), beggaring the questions

  1. What were you doing in the hall, instead of coordinating one-to-ones? Or waiting for me outside?
  2. What about the other one-to-ones that were supposed to take place before and after? I know someone had one at 3pm – I suspect he would have been disappointed
  3. Why didn’t you usher the speaker out the hall to the interview as soon as he finished, rather than letting him stay on to watch the end of day remarks?
  4. Why didn’t you rush out to let me know any of this?

I suspect I’ll be less peeved tomorrow. But Moral 2: Don’t regard every trip out of the office as a chance for you to do some quality chatting and relaxing – don’t take offence, but I don’t get paid for interviewing you; you will never feature in one of my articles; if you waste my time, I’ll stick you in my junk mail filter in future; if you keep messing me around, I’ll talk to your competitors instead. At the moment, I’m damn sure if I ever choose to deal with your PR company again, I’ll ensure I deal with anyone on the account except you. Bye bye commission.

Anyway, food for PR thought. The companies involved were, incidentally, in no particular order: Text 100, Bite PR, Hotwire PR, Porter Novelli, Octopus Communications and Goode International.

The joy of joyriders

Had joyriders driving round the estate last night. One ploughed straight into the back of a parked van that a nice little old couple own. He legged it before anyone could even check if he was all right.

You think that that’ll be the end of the story but from that point on, the following groups of people turned up:

  • The police, to supervise and take down information and witness statements
  • The scene of crime officers to get evidence
  • A low-loader lorry to take away the crashed car
  • A dog unit to chase after the escaping teenager

So it was a couple of hours before the whole thing died down – always good late at night. Thank you joyriders.

Happy Birthday blog

I’ve just noticed this blog’s first entry was on the 18th June 2005, which was yesterday. Happy first birthday blog!

New SCHWIF2004 beta

I’ve updated SCHWIF2004’s latest beta to fix a bug where a warning would come up telling users they need OS X 10.3, even though they already have OS X 10.3. You can get the beta from the SCHWIF2004 page.

Updated Italian flashcards for week 1

I’ve updated the flashcards for Teach Yourself Instant Italian, week one: I hadn’t included the flashcard sentences in the deck. Whoops.

This shows you how far I’ve got since the start of the year. In part, the problem is because I don’t have a deadline. The other problem is it’s just so close to Spanish. I’m finding it really hard to keep the two different sets of words apart in my mind: is it siempre or sempre in Italian? That’s the kind of problem I’m having. Maybe I’ll switch over to Welsh, just to try a language that’s really different to Spanish.

Be and maintenance

As you may recall, I swapped my ISP to Be recently. They’re still providing the same download speed as before – 4.5Mbps, which isn’t as good as the 24Mbps they suggested i might get but much better than Zen’s 1Mbps. I’m starting to get annoyed by Be’s “planned outages”. Since I’ve taken the service on the 19th May, there have been three planned outages of the services, lasting several hours, during which they’ve conducted “necessary maintenance”. I don’t recall BT every having to do any maintenance on the exchange before, so quite what Be’s doing, I don’t know. But it’s starting to irritate.

£20 to unlock a phone

It wasn’t £35 – it was £20 to get my phone unlocked.

Thanks to the helpful people who pointed out that there are plenty of free ways to unlock the phone that are available on the Internet. Unfortunately, I have a Nokia 6630 (I say unfortunately advisedly) which so far appears to be uncrackable. Nokia won’t even tell the network providers how to unlock the phones – they have to write off to Nokia and get a code sent back to them that’s specific to the phone being unlocked. So it’s £20 or an unusable phone, unfortunately. Still, given that’s less than a month’s line rental, I’m perfectly happy to pay up to be shot of Orange.

The end is in sight.

Orange have the last laugh

Why did I think, even for a second, that escaping Orange’s clutches would be easy? They’ve locked my phone so that only Orange SIM cards will work with it. That means I either need to give them £35 or something to get it unlocked (assuming they agree) or I need to buy a new phone. Curse them all.

Of freelances and holidays

The trouble with freelancing is working out when to have holidays. It’s not the same as when you’re self-employed. There are so many caveats, most of them of the paranoid rather than the actual kind.

  1. There’s the whole idea of not doing any work. If you don’t work, you don’t get paid. So if you take a week off, that’s five days at your normal day rate (£650) you won’t be earning. Basically, whatever you’re paying for your holiday, freelances pay double. Of course, you factor that into your rates, but you see the start of the terrible thought processes?
  2. What will happen with your regular clients while you’re away? If you’re employed, someone at work will cover you, or they’ll hire in cover (maybe even a freelance). If you’re not around and you’re freelance, maybe they will find someone to cover you during your absence – maybe someone they like better and they’ll use instead of you in future. So now you have to time your holidays as much as possible around regular commissioning editors, just in case, except print days are just so spread around the month, trying to find a week – or even a few days – that don’t conflict with someone’s urgent delivery date is almost impossible
  3. What about new clients? Who’ll be answering the sales queries when you’re sunning yourself on the beach? You’ll get back only to find they’ve gone somewhere else because you weren’t available.
  4. Slippage. I was supposed to be on holiday yesterday, but I got summer lurgy on Monday, couldn’t finish a feature and had to spend yesterday writing it instead. Do I take another day off or just accept that as a day off I couldn’t take? Soon, you find all your days off have disappeared as you fit in just one last article that they begged you to take.
  5. There’s the problem of what you’ll be doing when you get back. If you don’t set up any work for your return, all those holiday days will be days when you’ve not been pitching. That means the first few days after the holiday will be days without work while you start pitching again. Which means less money again.

I’m supposed to be having a couple of days off right now. I need it after working a fortnight of double shifts at the end of last month (subbing by day, writing by night). Instead, I’ve spent the morning blogging and pitching. I still have to return a prospective new client’s phone call from yesterday. And then there’s all those low-priority emails I have to answer.

I’m going to die an early death of a stress disorder, I know it.

Am I finally leaving Orange?

Called Orange a minute ago to let them know I wanted to leave. Well, I tried anyway. I called 150 from my mobile. After being asked to press 1 to confirm it was a mobile, not a broadband query, I was told that 1 was an invalid menu option. Tried calling back but I couldn’t even get through. So I had to call Orange the mobile phone network from a landline to get through.

Quelle surprise. They hadn’t received my cancellation letter. How did I not see that coming? Oh wait. I did.

Still, the man did I ask why I was leaving. It took a long time to explain everything.

I asked for a PAC number to migrate my phone number over to Virgin. “Well, if you do want a PAC number, you’ll have to pay for a further 30 days line rental”. And if I don’t? “Well, you’ll still have to give 30 days notice you want to terminate the contract.” I did. “Well, we didn’t receive it.”

So 30 days of Orange either way. Oh well. It’ll all soon be over. I’ve already got my Virgin SIM card so I’ll be swapping over today, I think.